Forty plus, but minus the Dupatta!

For women, life begins at 40, they say.

At 40 plus, women in general are more or less settled down in life. With the home and the car loan cleared, your financial commitments have lessened. For most women who are employed, this is a phase when they are at a peak in their career. You also have fewer worries about children as they are all grown up and you don’t have to feel guilty anymore if you are not there at home for them. Some single women even find new love at this time, atleast for emotional support, if not for anything else.

You feel you are a new person, and have a lot of energy. Some would want to pursue their passion which had to take a back seat for the sake of family – such as music or maybe writing a book; some would be eager to invest in that jewellery they wanted for long; yet a few others would like to go on that distant yatra or on a holiday to their dream destination.

You are brave and bold and alongside the self-confidence you carry with you, you also have the responsibility to behave and present yourselves to your family and the society as a responsible individual and be a role model for your children and youngsters.

Sadly, we are seeing a disastrous reverse trend which has serious implications.

It is already sickening that the young girls and women of today are walking about in public wearing skimpy, see-through stuff which they call leggings/tights, with no shame whatsoever that they are actually revealing most of their body which they think this piece of material is covering. You cannot even call it a dress, for heaven’s sake!

But what is more awkward, is that women over forty too parading the streets in these skimpy outfits alongside their daughters!

The most appalling of it all is that you have joined hands with the girls of today to solemnly cremate a wonderful traditional garment which was the symbol of modesty in South Asian attire for ages – the Dupatta!

You are at a stage where you have to instil discipline in your teenage children, but instead the way you are presenting yourselves in public is being scoffed at from all quarters! The atrocities we are seeing against women these days is frightening. The eve-teasing which we had faced in our times has attained precarious dimensions now, and every young girl and woman needs to take great precaution when venturing out of the home. While the cause for the immoral behaviour by men is being debated every day, I sometimes wonder if we are ourselves are encouraging and fuelling the lustful behaviour in some men by presenting ourselves in not so modest manner.

The salwar-kameez or the churidar-kurta is indeed quite comfortable to wear and suits all occasions. But the outfit is complete only with a dupatta!. The primary use of a dupatta is to cover the head and/or any inadvertent cleavage and the contour of the bosom. However, in the present so called fashion, the dupatta is draped over one shoulder, around the neck or even one arm! Some of them look like scarf’s and netted/curtain material which does not serve the purpose for which they are actually meant for!   What is then the use of even wearing it? So, you have decided to abandon it completely!

The dupatta is the extension of women’s honour, respect, dignity and traditional modesty. Dupattas serve some purpose and are NOT meant to be a fashion statement. Wearing a dupatta like a garland around your shoulders, thus hiding your bosom is the best way to maintain eye-contact with men. You look respectable, dignified and attract less curious glances. Women who are well-built look awful when they don’t wear a dupatta. Incredibly disgusting!

What we wear gives us confidence – so I cannot imagine you don’t feel any shame walking around exposing yourself!

I can hear some of you screaming – “After all, we are covering ourselves fully aren’t we? So, what’s the problem?”

I find this argument frivolous and ridiculous. You are forgetting the whole concept and purpose of the dupatta. What exactly are you covering when you are not wearing a dupatta?  Look at a picture of yourself and you will know what you are exposing . The dupatta is a part of the dress, and when you decide to discard it for whatever reason, you are only inviting trouble.

Sometimes, I hear women saying that dupattas are irritating, difficulty to carry, and uneasy. You are comfortable carrying a large smartphone/ notebook on your hand 24x7, but find it difficult to carry the dupatta?!!

In some schools and colleges, teachers/ professors wear a jacket/blazer over their saree/salwar when they teach in the class. Although they are already modestly dressed, this additional outfit seems necessary to avoid distracting the young boys in the class.  So, if you are asking why you have to wear a dupatta over your top, it is precisely to avoid curious/sexual glares from the opposite gender, and to avoid them undress you with their eyes. So, wearing a dupatta is not an act of choice – it is a necessity.

Also, HOW you wear the garment also matters. The increasingly common style is wearing it like a thin band around the neck instead of a loose loop around the shoulders – wherein it gleefully refuses to fulfil its unspoken duty. Some women wear it around their waist at times – the ‘Vantheenda Paalkaaran’ style! Don’t know what to say!

Further, the increasingly acceptance of western wear amongst us is a steady demotion of the graceful traditional garment.  Women over forty seem to be very comfortable wearing jeans/T-shirt/shirt without the dupatta.   Wear this attire if you are so fond of it – but ensure that you accompany it with atleast a jacket/blazer/ or a dupatta. This will look more modest and decent.

If you are still stubborn and adamant that you will wear the dupatta only over your neck, shoulder or arm instead of how it should be actually worn, or if you want to decide to completely abandon it, thus revealing your precious body, it is your choice. But then also learn to live with certain inevitable things and stop whining! All the Best!

(A quick note before I close in response to many criticisms I have received (all from women) on my earlier post – firstly, I am not a social activist. Am a simple woman from a humble middle class family. I use my blog to put down my thoughts about anything which deeply affects me, that’s all.  So, if some of you do not like what I write – just too bad. If my article has done quite a numbers of rounds on Facebook, I owe it to some like-minded gentlemen, and am thankful to them for sharing my thoughts. Secondly, on the issue of the abuse of children and if dress is an issue there at all, you probably have not read another note I wrote on protecting our children. This topic has an entirely different dimension which is to be dealt with separately).

Cheers!