Mulla Stories # 31 - God's servant

Mullah Nasruddin was unemployed and poor but somehow he got little money to eat beans and pilaf at a cheap restaurant.

He ate and examined people walking outside with the corner of the eye. He noticed a long, handsome swashbuckler (bully man) behind the crowd. The man was well dressed from head to foot, with velvet turban, silver embroidered vest, silk shirt, satin baggy-trousers and golden scimitar (short curved sword). 

Mullah Nasruddin pointed the man and asked restaurant keeper,

- Who is that man over there!

- He is Fehmi Pasha's servant, answered restaurant keeper.

Mullah Nasruddin sighed from far away, looked at the sky and said:

- Oh, my Good Lord! Look at that Fehmi Pasha's servant and look at your own servant, here. 

Cheers!

Mulla Stories # 30 - Beggar's needs

As Nasruddin emerged form the mosque after prayers, a beggar sitting on the street solicited alms. The following conversation followed:

- Are you extravagant? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes, Nasruddin. replied the beggar.

- Do you like sitting around drinking coffee and smoking? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes. replied the beggar.

- I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes. replied the beggar.

- ... And maybe amuse yourself, even, by drinking with friends? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes I like all those things. replied the beggar.

- Tut, Tut, said Nasruddin, and gave him a gold piece.

A few yards farther on another beggar who had overheard the conversation begged for alms also.

- Are you extravagant? asked Nasruddin.

- No, Nasruddin replied second beggar.

- Do you like sitting around drinking coffee and smoking? asked Nasruddin.

- No. replied second beggar.

- I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday? asked Nasruddin.

- No. replied second beggar.

- ... And maybe amuse yourself, even, by drinking with friends? asked Nasruddin.

- No, I want to only live meagerly and to pray. replied second beggar.

Whereupon the Nasruddin gave him a small copper coin.

- But why, wailed second beggar, do you give me, an economical and pious man, a penny, when you give that extravagant fellow a sovereign?

Ah my friend, replied Nasruddin, his needs are greater than yours.

 

:)

Mulla Stories # 29 - Slap and the penalty

Once a person slapped Mullah Nasruddin in the street. Later he came back and started to apologize and said that he had mistaken Nasruddin for some one else.

But Nasruddin was not satisfied and took tight hold of his collar, took him to the judge and told the judge about the incident.

The judge ordered, “Nasruddin must slap that person to avenge". But Nasruddin didn’t get satisfied.

Thus the judge ordered the person to give Nasruddin a gold coin in lieu of the slap.

The accused had to go out of the court to bring the gold coin.

Nasruddin waited for sometime. The accused didn’t come hack.

Mullah stood up and slapped the judge on his face and said, “Since I have a lot of work, whenever that person comes and brings the coin, you take the money for this slap.”

:)

Mulla Stories # 28 - Prove me idiotic

Nasruddin used to stand in the street on market-days, to be pointed out as an idiot.

No matter how often people offered him a large and a small coin, he always chose the smaller piece.

One day a kindly man said to him: "Nasruddin, you should take the bigger coin. Then you will have more money and people will no longer be able to make a laughing stock of you".

 

That may be true, said Nasruddin, but if I always take the larger, people will stop offering me money to prove that I am more idiotic than they are. 

Then I would have no money at all.

:)

Mulla Stories # 27 - Safe custody of money

Mullah Nasruddin had a little money. He wanted to hide it some where. 

At first he dug a hole, kept the money there and covered it with soil.

After a while he thought the money was not safe there because it would be discovered soon. 

He dug another hole and kept the money there.

He repeated this action many times. But he was not sure of its security.

He removed it out of the last hiding-place. He put the money into a bag and rode on a donkey taking the bag to a hill top near his house.

He fixed a stick vertically in the ground and from it suspended the bag.

Looking at it from a distance Mullah Nasruddin commented, “Human being is not a bird to come here and steal the bag,”

He came back home. Incidentally a man who was watching Nasruddin from a distance took the money from the bag and poured dung of camel into it.

After a few days when Nasruddin was in need of cash, he went to find the bag. When he brought the bag down from the stick, he found dung of a camel in it.

He got surprised and said, “It is very interesting. How could a camel reach to a place where a person can’t?”

:)

Mulla Stories # 26 - Mullah delivers a public lecture

Once, the people of the City invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a khutba (public lecture).

When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?"

The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week.

Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO".

So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and  he left!

:)

Mulla Stories # 25 - The dead pot

One day, Mulla Nasruddin was cooking. He went to his neighbor and asked for a pot and promised to return it the next day.

A knock, knock came on the neighbor's door the next day. Nasruddin had come to return the pot. The neighbor looked at his pot and inside it was another smaller pot.

The neighbor said, "There is a small pot inside the one I loaned you." Nasruddin told him, "The pot gave birth." The neighbor was quite pleased to hear this and accepted the two pots.

The very next morning, Nasruddin knocks on the neighbor's door to borrow a larger pot than the previous one. The neighbor happily abides his request.

A week went past, without Nasruddin knocking to return the pot. The neighbor and Nasrudding bump into each other at the bazaar a few days latter. Nasruddin's neighbor asked, "Where is my pot?"

"It's dead," says Nasruddin. "But how can that be?" queries the neighbor. Nasruddin points out, 

"If a pot can give birth, then a pot can also die."

:)

Mulla Stories # 24 - Zurna instrument lessons

One day Mullah Nasruddin wished to learn playing zurna (a kind off shrill pipe) and visited a zurna player.

'How much does it cost to learn playing zurna?' asked Mullah Nasruddin.

'Three hundred coins for the first lesson and one hundred for the next lessons', said the zurna player.

'It sounds good', replied Mullah Nasruddin. We may start with second lesson.

'I was a shepherd when I was a young boy, so I already have some whistle experiences. It must be good enough for first lesson, isn't it?

:)

Mulla Stories # 23 - The power of turban

The wit and wisdom of Mulla Nasruddin never leaves him tongue-tied. 

One day an illiterate man came to Mulla Nasruddin with a letter he had received. "Mullah Nasruddin, please read this letter to me'.

Mullah Nasruddin looked at the letter, but could not make out a single word. So he told the man, 'I am sorry, but I cannot read this'.

The man cried, 'For shame, Mullah Nasruddin ! You must be ashamed before the turban you wear (i. e. the sign of education)

Mullah Nasruddin removed the turban from his own head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man, said:

'There, now you wear the turban. If it gives some knowledge, read the letter yourself'.

:)

Mulla Stories # 22 - How to live life?

One day Mullah Nasruddin was taking a walk in his village, when several of his neighbors approached him.

"Nasruddin Hoja!" they said to him, "you are so wise and holy! Please take us as your pupils to teach us how we should live our lives, and what we should do!"

Nasruddin paused, then said "Alright; I will teach you the first lesson right now. The most important thing is to take very good care of your feet and sandals; you must keep them clean and neat at all times."

The neighbors listened attentively until they glanced down at his feet, which were in fact quite dirty and he was in old sandals that seemed about to fall apart.

"But Nasruddin Hoja," said one of them, "your feet are terribly dirty, and your sandals are a mess! How do you expect us to follow your teachings if you don't carry them out yourself?"

"Well," replied Nasruddin, "I don't go around asking people how I should live my life either, do I?"

:)

Mulla Stories # 21 - The Lost Ring

One day Mullah Nasruddin lost his ring down in the basement of his house, where it was very dark.

There being no chance of his finding it in that darkness, he went out on the street and started looking for it there.

Somebody passing by stopped and enquire:

What are you looking for, Mullah Nasruddin ? Have you lost something?

Yes, I've lost my ring down in the basement.

But Mullah Nasruddin , why don't you look for it down in the basement where you have lost it? asked the man in surprise.

Don't be silly, man! How do you expect me to find anything in that darkness!

:)

Mulla Stories # 20 - Pumpkins on Trees

One hot day, Mulla Nasruddin was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree.

After some time, he started eying speculatively, the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree.

 

Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! he mused. Just fancy letting tinny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines!

Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on Mullah Nasruddin's bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:

Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!

:)

Mullah Stories # 19 - Mulla in the Banquet

Mullah Nasruddin heard that there was a banquet being held in the nearby town, and that everyone was invited. He made his way there as quickly as he could.

When the Master of Ceremonies saw him in his ragged cloak, he seated him in the most inconspicuous place, far from the great table where the most important people were waiting on hand and foot.

Nasruddin saw that it would be an hour at last before the waiters reached where he was sitting. So he got up and went home. He dressed himself in a magnificent sable cloak and turban and returned to feast.

As soon as the heralds of the Emir, his host, saw this splendid sight they started to beat the drum of welcome and sound the trumpets in a manner befitting a visitor of high rank.

The Chamberlain came out of the palace himself, and conducted the magnificent Nasruddin to a place almost next to the Emir. A dish of wonderful food was immediately placed before him.

Without a pause, Nasruddin began to rub handfuls of it into his turban and cloak. "Your Eminence," said the prince, "I am curious as to your eating habits, which are new to me."

"Nothing special," said Nasruddin; "the cloak got me in here and gave me this food. Surely it deserves its portion."

Cheers!

Mulla Stories # 18 - Mullah and the crow

One day Mullah Nasruddin went to the market and bought a fine piece of meat.

On the way home he met a friend who gave him a special recipe for the meat.

Mullah Nasruddin was very happy.

But then, before he got home, a large crow stole the meat from Mullah Nasruddin's hands and flew off with it.

You thief! Mullah Nasruddin angrily called after departing crow.

You have stolen my meat! But you won't enjoy it; I've got the recipe!

:)

Mulla Stories # 17 - The frightening place

One day a visitor came to Mullah Nasruddin with a question.

Mullah Nasruddin, the place that we humans come from and the place that we go to, what is it like?

Oh, said Mullah Nasruddin, it is a very frightening place.

Why do you say that? the visitor asked.

Well, when we come from there as babies, we are crying, and when somebody has to go there, everybody cries. 

 

Cheers!

Mulla Stories # 16 - Mullah is followed by horsemen

Walking one evening along a deserted road, Mullah Nasruddin saw a troop of horsemen rapidly approaching. 

His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured or robbed or killed and frightened by this thought he bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open grave to hide.

Puzzled at his bizarre behaviour, the horsemen - honest travelers - followed him.

They found him stretched out, tense, and shaking.

"What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you? Why are you here in this place?"

"Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it," said Nasruddin, who now realized what had happened. It all depends upon your viewpoint.

If you must know, however, I am here because of you - and you are here because of me!

:)

Mulla Stories # 15 - Paid or exchanged

One day Mullah Nasruddin went to market to buy new clothes. 

First he tested a pair of trousers. He didn't like the trousers and he gave back them to the shopkeeper.

Then he tried a robe which had same price as the trousers. Mullah Nasruddin was pleased with the robe and he left the shop. 

Before he climbed on the donkey to ride home he stopped by the shopkeeper and the shop-assistant.

"You didn't pay for the robe," said the shopkeeper. "But I gave you the trousers instead of the robe, isn't it?" replied Mullah Nasruddin .

"Yes, but you didn't pay for the trousers, either!" said the shopkeeper. "But I didn't buy the trousers," replied Mullah Nasruddin.

"I am not so stupid to pay for something which I never bought."

:)

Mulla Stories # 14 - Mulla and his beautiful daughter

Mullah Nasruddin had a beautiful daughter, the desire of all the evil eyes of the men lived in his village. Everyone sought the hand of the fair maiden, but Mullah Nasruddin protected her from the ouside world, saving her for the wealthy young khan who lived just outside the village. 

At last the young Khan came to ask for the hand of the beautiful maiden. Mullah Nasruddin drove a hard bargain and was to receive the highest bride-price ever bargained for in the entire region. 

With the usual Muslim regard for ceremony, Mullah Nasruddin insisted on a long waiting-period before the wedding vows could be taken. It seems that the young and beautiful daughter of Mullah Nasrudin had a mind and a body of her own. She fell in love with a young stalwart who lived near the well in the village, who constantly showered her with attention as she went to the nearby well to gather water in the morning and at dusk. 

Her trips to get water began to take longer periods of time. Most people in the village knew what was happening, but no one dared tell Mullah Nasruddin. The time for the wedding approached and the young, wealthy Khan came to collect his bride. 

Mullah Nasruddin brought her to greet her bridegroom. Lo and behold! She was well pregnant by this time. The young, rich Khan was horrified, and turned on to Mullah Nasruddin, demanding to know why such a thing had occurred. 

And when Mullah Nasruddin merely replied that such things are normal when people get married, the young, rich Khan stormed out of Mullah Nasruddin's compound, and said that he withdrew his offer of marriage to the young beautiful daughter of Mullah Nasruddin and therefore would expect a return on the down payment on the bride price. 

Mullah Nasruddin, genuinely shocked, called after the young, rich Khan and the young Khan returned. "let us be sensible about this," pleaded Mullah Nasruddin. "Actually, I should double the bride price now that my daughter is truly pregnant and can give you a son." 

The young Khan, even more horrified, stuttered and asked, "In the name of Allah, why?" Mullah Nasruddin calmly replied, "Why just last week I delivered a cow to a man to whom I had sold the cow several months before. In the interim period, the cow became pregnant, and when I delivered the cow, I demanded and received twice the original amount. Now what is so different between a cow and a daughter?"

:)

Mulla Stories # 13 - Alexander the Great

Mullah Nasruddin went on a pilgrimage to Mecca, and on the way he passed through Medina. As he was walking by the main mosque there, a rather confused looking tourist approached him. "Excuse me sir," said the tourist, "but you look like a native of these parts; can you tell me something about this mosque? It looks very old and important, but I've lost my guidebook."

Nasruddin, being too proud to admit that he too had no idea what it was, immediately began an enthusiastic explanation. "This is indeed a very old and special mosque." he declared, "It was built by Alexander the Great to commemorate his conquest of Arabia."

The tourist was suitably impressed, but presently a look of doubt crossed his face. "But how can that be?" he asked, "I'm sure that Alexander was a Greek or something, not a Muslim. . . Wasn't he?"

"I can see that you know something of these matters." replied Nasruddin with chagrin, "In fact, Alexander was so impressed at his good fortune in war that he converted to Islam in order to show his gratitude to God."

"Oh, wow." said the tourist, then paused. "Hey, but surely there was no such thing as Islam in Alexander's time?"

"An excellent point! It is truly gratifying to meet a visitor who understands our history so well," answered Nasruddin. "As a matter of fact, he was so overwhelmed by the generosity God had shown him that as soon as the fighting was over he began a new religion, and became the founder of Islam."

The tourist looked at the mosque with new respect, but before Nasruddin could quietly slip into the passing crowd, another problem occurred to him.

"But wasn't the founder of Islam named Mohammed? I mean, that's what I read in a book; at least I'm sure it wasn't Alexander."

"I can see that you are a scholar of some learning," said Nasruddin, "I was just getting to that. Alexander felt that he could properly dedicate himself to his new life as a prophet only by adopting a new identity. So, he gave up his old name and for the rest of his life called himself Mohammed." 

"Really?" wondered the tourist, "That's amazing! But...but I thought that Alexander the Great lived a long time before Mohammed? Is that right?"

"Certainly not!" answered the Mullah, "You're thinking of a different Alexander the Great. I'm talking about the one named Mohammed."

Cheers!

Mulla Stories # 12 - Mullah saves the bird

One day two small boys decided to play a trick on Mullah Nasruddin.

With a tiny bird cupped in their hands they would ask him whether it was alive or dead.

If he said it was alive they would crush it to show show him he was wrong.

If he said it was dead they would let it fly away and still fool him.

When they found the wise old man they said, 

' Mullah Nasruddin , that which we are holding, is it alive or dead?

Mullah Nasruddin thought for a moment and replied, 'Ah, my young friends, that is in your hands!

:)