Thursday, September 11, 2014

Forty plus, but minus the Dupatta!


For women, life begins at 40, they say.

At 40 plus, women in general are more or less settled down in life. With the home and the car loan cleared, your financial commitments have lessened. For most women who are employed, this is a phase when they are at a peak in their career. You also have fewer worries about children as they are all grown up and you don’t have to feel guilty anymore if you are not there at home for them. Some single women even find new love at this time, atleast for emotional support, if not for anything else.

You feel you are a new person, and have a lot of energy. Some would want to pursue their passion which had to take a back seat for the sake of family – such as music or maybe writing a book; some would be eager to invest in that jewellery they wanted for long; yet a few others would like to go on that distant yatra or on a holiday to their dream destination.

You are brave and bold and alongside the self-confidence you carry with you, you also have the responsibility to behave and present yourselves to your family and the society as a responsible individual and be a role model for your children and youngsters.

Sadly, we are seeing a disastrous reverse trend which has serious implications.

It is already sickening that the young girls and women of today are walking about in public wearing skimpy, see-through stuff which they call leggings/tights, with no shame whatsoever that they are actually revealing most of their body which they think this piece of material is covering. You cannot even call it a dress, for heaven’s sake!

But what is more awkward, is that women over forty too parading the streets in these skimpy outfits alongside their daughters!

The most appalling of it all is that you have joined hands with the girls of today to solemnly cremate a wonderful traditional garment which was the symbol of modesty in South Asian attire for ages – the Dupatta!

You are at a stage where you have to instil discipline in your teenage children, but instead the way you are presenting yourselves in public is being scoffed at from all quarters! The atrocities we are seeing against women these days is frightening. The eve-teasing which we had faced in our times has attained precarious dimensions now, and every young girl and woman needs to take great precaution when venturing out of the home. While the cause for the immoral behaviour by men is being debated every day, I sometimes wonder if we are ourselves are encouraging and fuelling the lustful behaviour in some men by presenting ourselves in not so modest manner.

The salwar-kameez or the churidar-kurta is indeed quite comfortable to wear and suits all occasions. But the outfit is complete only with a dupatta!. The primary use of a dupatta is to cover the head and/or any inadvertent cleavage and the contour of the bosom. However, in the present so called fashion, the dupatta is draped over one shoulder, around the neck or even one arm! Some of them look like scarf’s and netted/curtain material which does not serve the purpose for which they are actually meant for!   What is then the use of even wearing it? So, you have decided to abandon it completely!

The dupatta is the extension of women’s honour, respect, dignity and traditional modesty. Dupattas serve some purpose and are NOT meant to be a fashion statement. Wearing a dupatta like a garland around your shoulders, thus hiding your bosom is the best way to maintain eye-contact with men. You look respectable, dignified and attract less curious glances. Women who are well-built look awful when they don’t wear a dupatta. Incredibly disgusting!

What we wear gives us confidence – so I cannot imagine you don’t feel any shame walking around exposing yourself!

I can hear some of you screaming – “After all, we are covering ourselves fully aren’t we? So, what’s the problem?”

I find this argument frivolous and ridiculous. You are forgetting the whole concept and purpose of the dupatta. What exactly are you covering when you are not wearing a dupatta?  Look at a picture of yourself and you will know what you are exposing . The dupatta is a part of the dress, and when you decide to discard it for whatever reason, you are only inviting trouble.

Sometimes, I hear women saying that dupattas are irritating, difficulty to carry, and uneasy. You are comfortable carrying a large smartphone/ notebook on your hand 24x7, but find it difficult to carry the dupatta?!!

In some schools and colleges, teachers/ professors wear a jacket/blazer over their saree/salwar when they teach in the class. Although they are already modestly dressed, this additional outfit seems necessary to avoid distracting the young boys in the class.  So, if you are asking why you have to wear a dupatta over your top, it is precisely to avoid curious/sexual glares from the opposite gender, and to avoid them undress you with their eyes. So, wearing a dupatta is not an act of choice – it is a necessity.

Also, HOW you wear the garment also matters. The increasingly common style is wearing it like a thin band around the neck instead of a loose loop around the shoulders – wherein it gleefully refuses to fulfil its unspoken duty. Some women wear it around their waist at times – the ‘Vantheenda Paalkaaran’ style! Don’t know what to say!

Further, the increasingly acceptance of western wear amongst us is a steady demotion of the graceful traditional garment.  Women over forty seem to be very comfortable wearing jeans/T-shirt/shirt without the dupatta.   Wear this attire if you are so fond of it – but ensure that you accompany it with atleast a jacket/blazer/ or a dupatta. This will look more modest and decent.

If you are still stubborn and adamant that you will wear the dupatta only over your neck, shoulder or arm instead of how it should be actually worn, or if you want to decide to completely abandon it, thus revealing your precious body, it is your choice. But then also learn to live with certain inevitable things and stop whining! All the Best!

(A quick note before I close in response to many criticisms I have received (all from women) on my earlier post – firstly, I am not a social activist. Am a simple woman from a humble middle class family. I use my blog to put down my thoughts about anything which deeply affects me, that’s all.  So, if some of you do not like what I write – just too bad. If my article has done quite a numbers of rounds on Facebook, I owe it to some like-minded gentlemen, and am thankful to them for sharing my thoughts. Secondly, on the issue of the abuse of children and if dress is an issue there at all, you probably have not read another note I wrote on protecting our children. This topic has an entirely different dimension which is to be dealt with separately).

Cheers!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Message given by Sri Kanchi Maha Periva on 15 August 1947 - Independence Day

All of us know the speech "Tryst with Destiny" made by Jawaharlal Nehru, the first Prime Minister of independent India, to the Indian Constituent Assembly in The Parliament, on the eve of India's Independence, towards midnight on 14 August 1947. 

But how many of us are aware of the Message given by the great Sage of Kanchi, Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Swamigal when India attained Independence. In HIS message, the Mahaswami says that "That state of mind which ensures complete freedom is what we must attempt to achieve".  Read on for the full text.

"On this happy occasion when our country Bharat has attained Independence, the people of this ancient country must pray whole heartedly and with one mind to Sri Bhagavan. Let us all pray to God to vouch safe to us strength of mind and energy to engage ourselves more and more in attaining spiritual knowledge. It is only by the grace of Almighty that we can safeguard the freedom that we have achieved and also help all the living beings on earth to lead a happy life.

It is worthy to note that luckily the Chakra of Bhagavan, who is the embodiment of Dharma, has its place in the centre of our National Flag. This Chakra reminds us of the moral values enjoined by Emperor Ashoka, who is historically famous as Devanampriyaha. Further, the Chakra makes us contemplate on the spiritual discipline imparted by Bhagavan Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. That Dharma which shines in the form of a Chakra is clear from Lord Krishna's reference to the Chakra as "Evam pravartitam chakram" in Verse 16 of the III chapter of the Bhagavad Gita. Also in Verses 14 and 15 of the same chapter Bhagavan avers that " The human body originates from food, food grains grow because of rains, rain showers because of performance of Yajnas(Vedic Sacrifices), these Yajnas are prescribed in the Veda and that the Veda has emanated from Brahman who is in the form of Akshara(Sound recorded as letter of the alphabet)". 

Thus, the Dharma Chakra explains to us that the supreme Brahman is manifest in Vedic sacrifices. May this Independence, dawning with the rightful remembrance of Emperor Ashoka, grant us such fruits as Aram(Dharma or Righteousness) Porul(Wealth), Inbam(Happiness) and Veedu(Moksha - deliverance), by the grace of God.

There are three stripes in our National Flag. They are of dark green, white and orange colours. These colours seem to indicate to us, that military strength for protection from enemies and evil, wealth for welfare and prosperity, and knowledge for the sake of proper administration are essential for the nation. It may be remembered that dark green is the colour of Durga - the Parasakti who is the mother protector, Mahalakshmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity is of orange colour(golden hue) and Saraswathi the source divine of all knowledge is white in colour. It is a happy coincidence that the colour of the three Shakthis(Goddesses of Power) are seen in the three stripes of the National Flag.

For long, the Indian Nation has strived hard for winning freedom. By the grace of God, by the blessings of great men, and by the unique sacrifice of the people, independence has been won. Let us all pray to the Omnipresent God to shower his grace so that with the hard won freedom, our country becomes prosperous, is rid of famine, and there are no social skirmishes and the entire nation lives in an atmosphere of amity and kindness.

Now that freedom has been attained by the nation, all of us must also try to develop Independence. If we understand ourselves fully we may consider ourselves as independent. We are not capable of controlling the senses. We are unable to suppress desire and control anger, which always troubles us. Whichever thing in whatever measure we obtain does not lead us to contentment. Worldly sufferings cause worry to us. The mind gets confused on noticing these sufferings. What is the way out of all these? we must try to control, albeit gradually the mind which has been functioning vigorously for such a long time. Once the mind is set at rest, we will not be in need of anything. That state of mind which ensures complete freedom is what we must attempt to achieve.

Every day atleast some time should be set apart for practicing the control of mind and bereft of other thoughts, we must meditate upon God. Then gradually, the mind will become calm, whereupon we will have the mental power to subjugate desire and anger. Spiritual knowledge will accrue fast for him who practices such meditation. Only these who attain such true spiritual knowledge can truly be independent citizens.

Any woman other than one's wife must be respected as one's own mother. We must regard other living beings as we would regard ourselves. Even at the risk of death, truth alone must be spoken. Petty social feuds must be averted totally, Every one must strive for improving his knowledge and his spiritual attainments and move with others in an atmosphere of kindness. We must sincerely wish that all people should live happily and peacefully.

Dharmo Rakshati Rakshitaha."

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Protect your Children

I wrote on the same topic in Jan 2011, on the depressing phenomenon of child abuse in our country. Has anything at all changed for the better since then? Things have only become worse, and the crime seems to be increasing at an alarming rate.

The disturbing fact is that in most cases, it is the care-takers who become the abusers. It is also shameful that extended family members also commit the crime. Children abused by family members keep the secret to themselves out of fear and it is later they tell their friends. Sadly, mothers do all they can to console their children, but precious little to bring it out in the open.

The responsibility of protecting the children lies with the parent first. Parents must remember that it leaves a deep scar on the psychic of a child and has the potential of deeply affecting the children's emotional and mental development. Sexual abuse has immediate as well as long-term effect on the child, from emotional, behavioral and psychological disorders.

Child sexual abuse is one of the most atrocious crimes imaginable - it is an appalling violation of trust, and breach of our commitment and responsibility to protect children.

Parents need to talk to the children openly and educate them about such offenses. Children must be comfortable in speaking to their parents if they are subject to any such offense. When children are encouraged to trust their parents and openly discuss such matters, it is easier to find a solution. Otherwise, it leaves a deep wound in the mind of the child which may never ever fade away.

Not sure how many mothers give this a serious thought. This is like cancer. We always think we will not get the disease, but one fine day discover that we are the victims ourselves

When children come back from school, all we are interested in is asking them about their homework. Our children go to tuition, music classes, and so on. It is very important that parents keep asking the child about the day at the school, and other classes. Warn your little child that they ought not to sit on anyone's lap, no matter what the situation. If they suddenly do not want to continue with the school or other classes, make quick inquiries to see what could be wrong instead of only ridiculing the child. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

Once a very active and lively child becomes withdrawn, there could be umpteen reasons. You need to patiently ask them a lot of questions. Blacklist materials/ associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

In the process of teaching children to be aware of their surroundings, ensure that you do not scare them, lest they start fearing every man and boy they come across.

Once your child complains about a particular person, don't keep quiet about it.

If you come across any child who needs help, please contact Childline www.childlineindia.org. Childline is India's first 24 hour, free, emergency phone outreach service for children in need of care and protection. Dial 1098 to access the service.

There are several books which parents can use as a tool to educate children about child abuse. One is a book titled Good Touch Bad Touch - by Teresa Connor. It helps the reader know the difference between proper and improper touches. Here is the link to the book http://www.amazon.com/Good-Touch-Bad-Learning-Improper/dp/1448689546.

Children have every right to live in a safe and secure environment. Let us do everything possible in our capacity to ensure that their dignity is respected.

Cheers!

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Is this Democracy - an amazing foresight !

The world’s largest democracy goes to its first phase of polls on Monday 7th April. Thanks to the Press, Media and the world of the Internet, all of us are exposed to unlimited information of what is happening around us. Amongst tons of things, Good Governance is what all of us are looking forward to.

Happened to come across this mind blowing passage, spoken by His Holiness Sri Kanchi Paramacharya on Democracy, Administration, System of Voting, Political Class, etc.  This is only an extract from the extensive speech by the Mahaswami decades ago (sometime in the early 50’s) as given in Voice of God (Deivathin Kural in Tamil), Volume 4.

The Sage attained Mahasamadhi in January 1994. His foresight in predicting the situation currently prevailing in our country is simply amazing!  

Request readers to read this with an open mind, irrespective of religion, caste or sect that you may belong to. After all, we are all Indians; sons and daughters of this Punya Bhoomi (except Bharath, no other country in the world is known as Punya Bhoomi), and bringing about a change for the better, is now in our hands (literally!) .

Read on…

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There is the general perception that democracy, which allows the general public to have a share in the governance, is a concept that became known to us only through the westerners. The reality, however, is that even from the vedhic period onwards, the ruling of a kingdom was conducted in such a way as to provide room for the opinions of all of its subjects. Vedhas mention three kinds of organizations called ‘sabha’, ‘samithi’, and ‘vidhatha’. Under these auspices, learned people seemed to have gathered together and made decisions after discussing the administrative affairs, and only in accordance to these decisions did the king rule. Even the western historians agree that these organizations did not seem to be confined to the Brahmins or kshathriyas alone; instead, they seem to be organized in such a way that all social divisions were represented.

Administration of a kingdom is a serious business and a complex one, too. The task of managing a kingdom, providing security to a large population, enacting laws for them, ensuring that these laws are obeyed, etc., requires a high level of education, analytical skills, cleverness in execution, and worldly experience. Managing even a small household seems to be quite a task. Imagine the complexity of managing a whole kingdom! If a large portion of the general public seems to be lacking in the skill to run even a household, what would happen if they were given direct responsibility for running the country? Therefore, it is not prudent for everyone to take part directly in ruling the country. It has to be conducted through a select few who possess the necessary qualifications.

I have two fears; one is the fear that the voters might create a blot for this entire nation by venturing to bribe the candidates after being elected as members for receiving some favour or the other. This itself is a terrible fault. However, something that is a lot worse, an enormous blemish, has become possible now. That is my second fear. I am referring to the possibility of vote buying. In our land, where ninety percent of the population has modest means, people could be tempted by money flashed by the candidates for votes. I get jitters thinking about this and wonder what will become of our country that has been praised as ‘punya bhumi’ (meritorious land) so far. Giving room for this one transgression of voting for money might open up room for more breaches, and eventually, getting used to this, people might lose all inhibitions about committing misdeeds. Generally good-natured people, when they are subjected to the one blemish of receiving a bribe, might receive it from opposing parties also. Then, betraying one of them, they could also be subjected to a greater blemish of dishonesty. In place of some sporadic incidents of bribing an officer here and tipping a peon there, the entire nation, en masse, could be driven in to such adharmic ways of bribery, dishonesty, etc from the exalted status of ‘punya bhumi’. It is very saddening and it makes one wonder, ‘Is this what democracy is for?’

Just as water gushes out through opened floodgates, the independence that has been finally won after a prolonged British rule has created a climate for all the people to act with sudden outburst without proper restraint, composure, and order. Under these circumstances, if no qualification is mandated for either the candidate or the voter, I have a hunch that it might lead to unimaginable levels of bribery, discord, lies and evils, involving all these parties, tearing the nation asunder in the name of election. If we suffer decline in dharma just for the sake of showing ourselves off as the biggest democracy in the world, then the glitter of the garb of democracy would simply be an embellishment for a lifeless body.

In those days, whatever was mentioned as ‘papa’ by the sasthras were also treated as crimes by the law of the land. Currently, some of these acts mentioned by the sasthras do not come under the category of crime in the book of law. Actually, doing whatever has been prohibited in the sasthras as ‘papa’ is indeed considered a sign of progress and adhering to some sasthric injunctions is considered violation of the law. Such is the current trend. In the olden days, both the Dharma sasthras given by the rishis as well as the legislative process of the kingdom were one and the same. There was no necessity for using the conjunction ‘and’ while referring to them together as in ‘according to the law and according to the sasthras’. Sasthric rule was the rule of law. Whatever the sasthras regarded as a crime was also specified as a crime according to the law. If a process of atonement is specified in the sasthra, the royal court also considered someone who underwent such atonement as emancipated from that crime.

It is the Ramanaya, Mahabharata, and the other puranas that have led numerous later generations into virtuous path. Even the present day novels and movies draw their inspiration from these originals. Our nation is now following the system of democracy which is the slogan of the western countries. Currently, preparations are underway for conducting elections for the village panchayat boards and other governing bodies all the way up to the Delhi Parliament. The administrative affairs of the villages, districts, states, and the entire nation are going to be conducted with these members elected by such popular votes. We need to pay attention and examine this carefully. Is it going to aid the common people in cultivating more noble qualities and obtaining the grace of Iswara by following the path of dharma and punya? Is it really conducive to the national well being and the society’s benefit? Or, will it really corrupt the people and aid only in fostering the well being of a small segment of the population? These reasons are only external and do not have a direct bearing to the main purpose of the country’s or the village’s pure and dharmic administration. Giving importance to them might actually harm the main purpose, and it will not be a wise move at all. Most of the aspects in the new system that we are aware of seem to be quite worrisome. The motto of ‘The government of the people, by the people, and for the people’, etc might end up becoming, ‘the government of the ignorant people, by the ignorant people and for the ignorant people’. It is quite frightening to think of this possibility.

Discipline is essential, especially when there is new found independence. It is so disturbing to see how they are loosening the controls with no restraints at this juncture and I am worried what kind of catastrophe will follow. After getting over an illness, it is very important to be cautious during the convalescence period and follow the dietary restrictions strictly. Similarly, we are now in the intervening period, between the illness of the British rule and a healthy recovery with the help of the power of independence. At this stage, if we give room to any distorted diversions to the people’s mind or the representatives’ minds, the independence that we have obtained on paper will fail to become lively independence that will foster our growth. Right now, this decision to let anyone above a certain age be given responsibility in the administration and be placed on a seat of authority is a cause for great concern. Considering the qualifications of education, property ownership, experience, and conduct to be unnecessary might lead to a little – or a huge – irregularity.

It is claimed, ‘Because no qualification is required, this is true democracy, enabling any one to contest in the election’. But in practice, since this calls for a lot of expenses, the people who have amassed wealth are the only ones likely to be nominated. In every place and every party, though several people exist who excel in sacrifice, skills and purity, only the people with economic strength will become candidates. This being the case, what will become of the democratic principles and good administration? After the election, the candidate who squandered away his money during the campaign might be inclined to recover it back and then accumulate even more for spending again in the next election. Isn’t it quite natural from him to follow this path? It is quite painful to elaborate like this. I am afraid what is going to be ushered in might really be ‘dhana’ nayakam (money’s rule) rather than ‘jana’ nayakam (people’s rule).

In the present voting system, is the government that is to be set up after the election at least going to be a democratic body comprised of the people and for the people? When several candidates contest, votes are split among them and hence it makes it possible for someone who had garnered only twenty-five to thirty percent of the votes to win and become a member. Similarly, in a sabha with a total of about 500 seats, when it is split up among several parties, even parties that have only hundred fifty to two hundred seats, well below fifty percent, might form a government as the single largest majority. So, the party that forms the government has only two hundred seats with each of its members having only perhaps forty percent of the votes can show itself off as the choice of the people. In reality, it might have garnered only the support of about twenty-five percent of the people. Though my calculation may not be accurate, even with the support of much less than half of the actual voters (leaving out the people who hadn’t voted), a party could come to power. There is yet another disparity here. The proportion of the seats won by a party in the central government may not be compatible with that of the various states. How is this democracy?

A sick person has to be cured before he is given household responsibilities. A child has to be raised to attain maturity of intellect, mind and body before it is assigned responsibilities. Would anyone handover responsibilities of a household to such a sick person or child just because they love them? The same applies to matters relating to food. Just out of love, would you stuff these sick and tender ones with all kinds of rich snacks? The majority of our general public is in the state of childhood as far as political wisdom is concerned. The British rule has debilitated them and made them sick intellectually. At this stage, if we give them responsibility in the country’s administration, how can they handle it? The primary duty and job of the leaders of independent India is to restore the people’s intellectual health and prepare them to become mature and shed all their childlike tendencies. It seems that only after developing the intellectual ability within a few years should we even think of such schemes as the adult franchise, etc.

I see signs that portend even worse evils such as bribery, dishonesty, and the rise of the party rivalry that I am afraid will ruin our nation. On one side, social equality is hailed, disregarding caste and religion. However, looking at the practical trend of caste-based parties, town-based parties, street-based parties, and parties within parties, I wonder if we have sown the seeds for people to switch from one party to another, drawn by the money and the vile campaigns, followed by party members themselves hopping from one party to another, thus doing everything solely for self-interest without any other specific goal. I am elaborating on all this only to demonstrate that we cannot claim to have a true democracy just because all the people are participating in an election. I just wanted to show that a fake democracy can make itself appear to be a true democracy.

The successors of the promoters of Ramarajya are now framing the democracy. Rama didn’t invent a new raja nithi and rule the kingdom. If there ever was one who acted without giving any weight to his own opinion and his own purpose, and instead relied totally on the sasthras, following the precedents of his ancestors, and carrying out everything accordingly to the letter, it was none other than Ramachandramurthi. Rama simple followed whatever was in practice right from the time of Manu and Mandhatha up until Dasaratha Chakravarthi. When Dasaratha decided to crown him, he was fully aware that his son had earned the total approval of all the people and that he possessed all the qualifications to the fullest extent. Inspite of this, he was supposed to have convened the sabha and sought the opinions of all the representatives of all factions of the population. Now, that is true democracy. In soliciting and listening to the opinions, no distinctions should be made and all the representatives should be consulted regardless of qualifications. Even here, note that only the representatives were listened to and not all the people as in a referendum. We cannot ignore the fact that bringing in the direct involvement of the enormous general population to the royal affairs might lead to several misdeeds, deceits and wrongs. May Ramachandramurthi bestow His grace for that one-thousand-year-old sasana to be a guiding force for today’s sasana makers! Let it not end with being a mere ancient glory.
                                                                ------------------------       

Jai Hind !                                                              

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I am not a slave!

I am not a slave!  நான் என்ன அடிமையா? - The phrase that we often hear from many ‘present day women’ when it comes to managing the home – especially carrying out household chores.

International Women’s day celebrated on 8th March every year is generally spent in exalting women who have had successful careers and held important positions in the society. We talk about women’s freedom, liberty, safety and security (more so in the recent times). We also speak about how the woman should climb up the Corporate ladder and prove herself worthy. 

However, has anyone wondered what a woman should be like – what her Swadharma is? 

The ‘Needhi Shastra’ (நீதி சாஸ்த்ரம்) explains the Six Karmas (Shat Karma) for Women. It goes like this: 

Karyeshu Dasi, Karaneshu Manthri, Roopeshu lakshmi, Kshamaya Dharitri,  Snehesha Mata, Shayanethu Veshya, Shat dharmayukta Kuladharma Pathni.

கார்யேஷு தாஸீ, கரணேஷு மந்த்ரீ, ரூபேஷு லக்ஷ்மி, க்ஷமயா தரித்ரீ,  ஸ்நேஹேச மாதா, சயநேது வேச்யா, ஷட்கர்மயுக்தா குலதர்ம பத்னி. 

1. Karyeshu  Dasi – to be like a servant in doing the chores of the house. 

கார்யேஷு தாஸீ  - வேலைகாரியாக கார்யம் பண்ணுவது. இதில், மனைவி கணவனுக்கு அடிமை என்று அர்த்தமில்லை. கணவனுக்கு வேலைகாரியாக இருப்பதோடு நிற்காமல், சகலமாகவும் இருப்பவள் அவள் என்று 'நீதி சாஸ்த்ரம்' சொல்கிறது. 

Now hold on! We don’t want women up in arms saying that they are not servants; they are also an earning member in the family; so deserve better status; they have equal rights; men have to also take part in the household chores etc. Our Sathras have never enslaved the women. The above phrase means she must serve her husband and manage the household like how a servant would do.

While the contribution of men today in supporting the wife in household chores is very much welcome, especially at homes where the wife is also working outside, what is unfortunate is that many of our Mahalakshmis who are home-makers also shy away from household work. ‘Can’t you see that I am watching my favourite TV serial (incidentally all the serials happen to be her favourite!), the food is on the table, help yourself’ - how many of us can touch our hearts and say that we do not say this to our husbands. What can be more fulfilling than cooking the dishes your husband and children like and serving the food to them lovingly?

There is something else which I have not been able to fathom – inspite of all modern day gadgets like the pressure cookers, mixie, grinder, washing machine, microwave, coffee-makes, blender, and what not which are there in almost every home to make life easier for the women, why do families go out to restaurants?  When we are living at a time where it is very rare that all members in the family sit together for a meal on weekdays, isn’t the weekend a great opportunity to cook food that your family loves and all sit together for the simple, yet delicious meal? What can be more satisfying to a wife than watch her husband and children relish the dishes that she has taken pains to prepare? Do you get the same fulfillment and satisfaction at a restaurant – even if it is a star hotel? 

2. Karaneshu Manthri – she must be like a minister when advising her husband. 

கரணேஷு மந்த்ரீ - கணவனுக்கு ஆலோசனை சொல்வதில் மந்திரியாக இருக்க வேண்டும். இதன் அர்த்தம், தான் வைத்ததே சட்டம் என்று கணவன் இல்லாமல் மனைவியின் ஆலோசனை கலந்தே எதுவும் பண்ண வேண்டும் என்பது. 

It is clear that the husband should consult his wife also for her opinion on matters related to the family. It is also evident that our women were appreciated those days for possessing a sharp mind and fit enough to advice her husband just as a Minister would do. Again, this implies that a wife also has to play a role and offer advise while taking important decisions for the family and not leave all responsibilities to the husband alone. 

3. Roopeshu lakshmi – In appearance, she must be like beautiful like Lakshmi  

ரூபேஷு லக்ஷ்மி - தோற்றத்தில் லக்ஷ்மியாக, அதாவது லட்சுமிகரமாக இருக்கவேண்டும். 

This is clear. It implies that the wife must be presentable – so certainly not walk around in nighties and shorts/leggings, and un-kept hair, but dress up decently, beautifully and modestly at the home too. 

4.  Kshamaaya Dharitri – While being like Sridevi in appearance, she must have the forbearance of Bhumadevi 

க்ஷமயா தரித்ரீ - ரூபத்தில் ஸ்ரீதேவியாக இருப்பவள் பொறுமையால் பூமாதேவியாக இருக்கவேண்டும் 

Patience is a virtue. Ego destroys relationships, but a little patience and understanding can save and help flourish a relationship. 

5. Snehesha Mata – This means when showing love, she must love her husband just like how a mother shows love towards her child.  

ஸ்நேஹே ச மாதா - அன்பு காட்டுவதில் ஒரு தாய் குழந்தையிடம் எப்படியிருப்பாளோ, அப்படியே கணவனிடம் மனைவி  இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று அர்த்தம். 

This is one of the highest status given to women in our Dharma. This implies that she should take care of her husband lovingly just like how a mother would love her child. 

6. Shayanethu Veshya, - after mentioning about the 5 karmas, it is only lastly it is said that she must also give pleasure to her husband like a courtesan - says the “Needhi Shahstra”

சயநே து வேச்யா - கடைசியாகத்தான், அவள் கணவனுக்கு  சிற்றின்பம் அளிப்பவளாகவும் இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று சொல்லி, அதில் வேசிகள் மாதிரி இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று (நீதி சாஸ்திரத்தில்) சொல்லியிருக்கிறது.  

A successful woman does not only imply that she holds a high position in the society or at office. Women need to understand that taking care of the family and showering warmth and love towards her husband and children also makes her a successful woman. So, let not the modern woman get confused with all this and slacken in her duty towards her own family in the name of ‘equality’.

Finally, all these qualities can be developed and molded with just one factor – UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. When there is unconditional love, there is Trust, you Forgive and Forget, you become more Understanding and Patient, you Patch-up quickly after a quarrel, Ego vanishes, and Love and Harmony dominate the home.

Best Wishes for a Happy Women’s Day!
இனிய மகளிர் தின வாழ்த்துக்கள்!