I am not a slave!

I am not a slave!  நான் என்ன அடிமையா? - The phrase that we often hear from many ‘present day women’ when it comes to managing the home – especially carrying out household chores.

International Women’s day celebrated on 8^th March every year is generally spent in exalting women who have had successful careers and held important positions in the society. We talk about women’s freedom, liberty, safety and security (more so in the recent times). We also speak about how the woman should climb up the Corporate ladder and prove herself worthy. 

However, has anyone wondered what a woman should be like – what her Swadharma is? 

The ‘Needhi Shastra’ (நீதி சாஸ்த்ரம்) explains the Six Karmas (Shat Karma) for Women. It goes like this: 

Karyeshu Dasi, Karaneshu Manthri, Roopeshu lakshmi, Kshamaya Dharitri,  Snehesha Mata, Shayanethu Veshya, Shat dharmayukta Kuladharma Pathni.

கார்யேஷு தாஸீ, கரணேஷு மந்த்ரீ, ரூபேஷு லக்ஷ்மி, க்ஷமயா தரித்ரீ,  ஸ்நேஹேச மாதா, சயநேது வேச்யா, ஷட்கர்மயுக்தா குலதர்ம பத்னி. 

1. Karyeshu  Dasi – to be like a servant in doing the chores of the house. 

கார்யேஷு தாஸீ  - வேலைகாரியாக கார்யம் பண்ணுவது. இதில், மனைவி கணவனுக்கு அடிமை என்று அர்த்தமில்லை. கணவனுக்கு வேலைகாரியாக இருப்பதோடு நிற்காமல், சகலமாகவும் இருப்பவள் அவள் என்று 'நீதி சாஸ்த்ரம்' சொல்கிறது. 

Now hold on! We don’t want women up in arms saying that they are not servants; they are also an earning member in the family; so deserve better status; they have equal rights; men have to also take part in the household chores etc. Our Sathras have never enslaved the women. The above phrase means she must serve her husband and manage the household like how a servant would do.

While the contribution of men today in supporting the wife in household chores is very much welcome, especially at homes where the wife is also working outside, what is unfortunate is that many of our Mahalakshmis who are home-makers also shy away from household work. ‘Can’t you see that I am watching my favourite TV serial (incidentally all the serials happen to be her favourite!), the food is on the table, help yourself’ - how many of us can touch our hearts and say that we do not say this to our husbands. What can be more fulfilling than cooking the dishes your husband and children like and serving the food to them lovingly?

There is something else which I have not been able to fathom – inspite of all modern day gadgets like the pressure cookers, mixie, grinder, washing machine, microwave, coffee-makes, blender, and what not which are there in almost every home to make life easier for the women, why do families go out to restaurants?  When we are living at a time where it is very rare that all members in the family sit together for a meal on weekdays, isn’t the weekend a great opportunity to cook food that your family loves and all sit together for the simple, yet delicious meal? What can be more satisfying to a wife than watch her husband and children relish the dishes that she has taken pains to prepare? Do you get the same fulfillment and satisfaction at a restaurant – even if it is a star hotel? 

2. Karaneshu Manthri – she must be like a minister when advising her husband. 

கரணேஷு மந்த்ரீ - கணவனுக்கு ஆலோசனை சொல்வதில் மந்திரியாக இருக்க வேண்டும். இதன் அர்த்தம், தான் வைத்ததே சட்டம் என்று கணவன் இல்லாமல் மனைவியின் ஆலோசனை கலந்தே எதுவும் பண்ண வேண்டும் என்பது. 

It is clear that the husband should consult his wife also for her opinion on matters related to the family. It is also evident that our women were appreciated those days for possessing a sharp mind and fit enough to advice her husband just as a Minister would do. Again, this implies that a wife also has to play a role and offer advise while taking important decisions for the family and not leave all responsibilities to the husband alone. 

3. Roopeshu lakshmi – In appearance, she must be like beautiful like Lakshmi  

ரூபேஷு லக்ஷ்மி - தோற்றத்தில் லக்ஷ்மியாக, அதாவது லட்சுமிகரமாக இருக்கவேண்டும். 

This is clear. It implies that the wife must be presentable – so certainly not walk around in nighties and shorts/leggings, and un-kept hair, but dress up decently, beautifully and modestly at the home too. 

4.  Kshamaaya Dharitri – While being like Sridevi in appearance, she must have the forbearance of Bhumadevi 

க்ஷமயா தரித்ரீ - ரூபத்தில் ஸ்ரீதேவியாக இருப்பவள் பொறுமையால் பூமாதேவியாக இருக்கவேண்டும் 

Patience is a virtue. Ego destroys relationships, but a little patience and understanding can save and help flourish a relationship. 

5. Snehesha Mata – This means when showing love, she must love her husband just like how a mother shows love towards her child.  

ஸ்நேஹே ச மாதா - அன்பு காட்டுவதில் ஒரு தாய் குழந்தையிடம் எப்படியிருப்பாளோ, அப்படியே கணவனிடம் மனைவி  இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று அர்த்தம். 

This is one of the highest status given to women in our Dharma. This implies that she should take care of her husband lovingly just like how a mother would love her child. 

6. Shayanethu Veshya, - after mentioning about the 5 karmas, it is only lastly it is said that she must also give pleasure to her husband like a courtesan - says the “Needhi Shahstra”

சயநே து வேச்யா - கடைசியாகத்தான், அவள் கணவனுக்கு  சிற்றின்பம் அளிப்பவளாகவும் இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று சொல்லி, அதில் வேசிகள் மாதிரி இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று (நீதி சாஸ்திரத்தில்) சொல்லியிருக்கிறது.  

A successful woman does not only imply that she holds a high position in the society or at office. Women need to understand that taking care of the family and showering warmth and love towards her husband and children also makes her a successful woman. So, let not the modern woman get confused with all this and slacken in her duty towards her own family in the name of ‘equality’.

Finally, all these qualities can be developed and molded with just one factor – UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. When there is unconditional love, there is Trust, you Forgive and Forget, you become more Understanding and Patient, you Patch-up quickly after a quarrel, Ego vanishes, and Love and Harmony dominate the home.

Best Wishes for a Happy Women’s Day!

இனிய மகளிர் தின வாழ்த்துக்கள்!