Amusing English # 4 - Resume Writing

People write the strangest things on their resumes, sometimes downright hysterical. Why should only recruiting managers get to laugh at these? Enjoy!

1. "I have a graduate degree in unclear physics."
2. "My hobbies include raising long-eared rabbis as pets."
3. “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”
4. “1990 – 1997: Stewardess – Royal Air Force”
5. Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”
6. “Service for old man to check they are still alive or not.”
7. Cleaning skills: “bleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.c”
8. “Job involved…counselling clientele on accidental insurance policies available”
9. “2001 summer voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people”
10. “I’m interested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”
11. “I am about to enroll on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”
12. “Time is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around with”
13. "My last job was as a plumbing and hating specialists."
14. "I worked for 6 years as an uninformed security guard."
15. “I believe that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality.
16. “This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both (!!) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Cheers!