Amusing English # 5 - Cover Letters

The following quotations were taken from cover letters. It is unfortunate that such mistakes slip through to the final draft, and make exactly the wrong impression on exactly the wrong people. 

• "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
• "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."
• "I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt."
• "Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
• "Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."
• "If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."
• "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' -- and I like your company in particular."
• "You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"
• "I am sicking and entry-level position."
• "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
• "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."
• "I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."
• "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house."
• "I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."
• "I need just enough money to have pizza every night."
• "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
• "I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience."
• "My primary goal is to be recognized."
• "Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."
• "I am superior to anyone else you could hire."
• "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."
• "Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However..."
• "I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment."
• "I worked here full-time there."
• "I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."
• "You are privileged to receive my resume

  Cheers!