Amusing English # 31 - Good vocabulary

We come to the end of this month's series of amusing facts about the English language.  I thoroughly enjoyed presenting them here! Here is the last one.

Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young students, "Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."
 

From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."

:-)

Cheers!

Amusing English # 30 - Funny facts about the English language

Some funny facts about the English language:

• 'Lollipop' is the longest word typed With your right hand.
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'
  
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• "Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
• "Rhythm" is the longest English word without a vowel.
• 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
• There is only ONE word in the English language with THREE CONSECUTIVE SETS OF DOUBLE LETTERS.... Bookkeeper
• There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs five times: "indivisibility."
• There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
• There are only 4 words in the English language which end in "duos": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
• The shortest word in the English language with all its letters in alphabetical order is the word "almost"
• The letter most in use in the English language is "E" and the letter "Q" is least used.
• Out of all the eight letter words in the English language, only one has only one vowel in it: "strength"
• Only 3 words in the English language end in "ceed": "proceed", "exceed" and "succeed."
• Of all the languages in the world, English has the largest vocabulary about 800,000 words.
• "Forty" is the only number which has its letters in alphabetical order. "One" is the only number with its letters in reverse alphabetical order.
• "Four" is the only number whose number of letters in the name equals the number.
• The most common letters in English are R S T L N E.
• "Go" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Cheers!

Amusing English # 29 - Heart of the Matter

Since ancient times, the heart has been an integral part of life, love and lore. In fact think of love and the first symbol that comes to mind is a red heart.  Naturally the heart has been the subject of and the inspiration for hundreds of songs and thousands of poems, which has helped millions to ‘win the hearts’ of the ones that they have ‘given their hearts’ to.

What is interesting is that the English language too is indebted to the heart. Of the 400 or so phrases related to the human body, the heart pumps life into more than 50 of them.

Here are some heart-y phrases with their meaning. Of course the list is not all-inclusive.

1. A heart of gold – good-natured, caring, forgiving.
2. A heart of stone – cruel, ruthless, without feeling.
3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder – not being with someone or something makes it more desirable (Francis Davidson's Poetical Rhapsody, 1602).
4. After one’s own heart – someone liked for having similar feelings, interests or ideas.
5. An affair of the heart – to be in love and not just be attracted physically.
6. As tender as a mother’s heart – very kind.
7. At heart – in actuality.
8. Be still my heart – asking oneself to not get too excited.
9. Big hearted – kind and generous.
10. Break one’s heart – someone or something that makes one sad.
11. Change of heart – change in the way one thinks or feels.
12. Cold hands warm heart – a kind hearted person but with a reserved exterior.
13. Cross my heart and hope to die – to promise that what one has said is true.
14. Cry / eat / sob your heart out – grieve hopelessly.
15. Dagger in the heart – create a feeling of defeat or hopelessness.
16. Faint heart never won fair lady – one should not be timid in the matter of love (and even life).
17. From the bottom of my heart – with a lot of sincerity.
18. Get to the heart of the matter – figure out the most important thing about something.
19. Give heart to – fall in love with.
20. Harden your heart – to make immune one’s feelings.
21. Have a heart – to request someone to be kind.
22. Heart breaker – someone or something that makes you sad.
23. Heart goes out to – feels sorry for.
24. Heart is in the right place – kind-hearted.
25. Heart rending – causing grief.
26. Heart stands still – be very frightened or worried.
27. Heartthrob – sweetheart.
28. Heart to heart talk – talk about some serious and intimate matter in great detail.
29. Heart warming – very pleasing.
30. Heart's delight – to one's satisfaction.
31. Heavy heart – weighed down with sorrow.
32. Learn by heart – memorize.
33. Lose heart – feel discouraged because of failure.
34. Lose your heart – fall in love.
35. Melt the heart – get sentimental.
36. My heart bleeds – be very sad.
37. Near and dear to my heart / near to one's heart – very close to one.
38. Open one’s heart – talk honestly about one’s feelings to someone.
39. Put your heart into – do something with great enthusiasm.
40. Search one’s heart – try and discover the reason for our thoughts and actions.
41. Set one’s heart on – resolve to get or achieve something important.
42. Skip a beat – be startled due to surprise or fear.
43. Steal someone's heart – make someone fall in love with.
44. Sweetheart – the one that you love.
45. Take heart – be encouraged and try again.
46. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach – an old saying probably from the time when women looked after the house and to be able to cook well was important to get a good husband.
47. Tugging at heartstrings – playing on one’s emotions.
48. Warms the cockles of my heart – someone or something that delights, comforts, warms and brings a sentimental feeling.
49. Wear one’s heart on one’s sleeves – show one’s feelings openly without fear or embarrassment (origin: from ancient times when a young man pursuing a girl would assert his love for her by wearing her name on his sleeve).
50. Win the heart of – win the love / affection of.
51. With all my heart – with great sincerity.
52. Young at heart – to be youthful & zestful, irrespective of age.
 

Cheers!

 

Amusing English # 28 - Misinterpretation

You just can’t stop laughing for every single sentence in the letter below. 

In the days when you couldn’t count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, as you know, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for “Water Closet”. She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a “Wayside Chapel ” (Place where Celebrations are done especially like a beautiful garden) near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle.

My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend Your Ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

:-)

Cheers!

Amusing English # 27 - Punctuation is Everything

The Society for Editors and Proofreaders (SfEP), in association with the BBC News website Magazine, challenged readers to write a thank you letter with two meanings.. Just use the same words - or words that sound the same - but change the punctuation. It's harder than you think!

Here are some of the entries received:

Letter - 1 

Dear Mother,

In law, there is nothing to make me say thank you, but the quality of your gifts compels me at least to write to tell you how I feel. Thank you so much for the presents! I was expecting nothing more than a token yet, again, you have exceeded even your own incredible standards.

It was a shame you had to stay here for such a short time. I thought I might have coped, but it was unbearable seeing you leave. The relief was immense when I heard we might see you again soon. I wanted to end it all by saying goodbye now. I hope I will not have to say it to you again for a long time. If you have the opportunity to spend Christmas elsewhere next year, please do not.

Much love

Matthew 

Dear Mother-in-Law,

There is nothing to make me say thank you, but the quality of your gifts compels me at least to write to tell you how I feel. Thank you? So much for the presents I was expecting. Nothing more than a token, yet again! You have exceeded even your own incredible standards.

It was a shame you had to stay here. For such a short time, I thought I might have coped, but it was unbearable. Seeing you leave, the relief was immense. When I heard we might see you again soon, I wanted to end it all. By saying goodbye now, I hope I will not have to say it to you again for a long time. If you have the opportunity to spend Christmas elsewhere next year, please do.

Not much love

Matthew 

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Letter 2 

 

Dear Mandy,

Just a quick note to say I received your gift - I was very surprised! When I saw the effort you had gone to I nearly cried. When I heard that you were coming for our roast turkey lunch I looked forward to the Christmas day celebration far more. Disdaining others no doubt spending the festive season feeling drunk, with joy we sang the classic yuletide carols. However, the horror on the streets tonight - revellers ignore the message of Christmas and down pints instead - I wish I could be there to help them.

Clair.

Dear Mandy,

Just a quick note to say I received your gift - I was very surprised when I saw the effort you had gone to. I nearly cried when I heard that you were coming for our roast turkey lunch. I looked forward to a Christmas day celebration far more disdaining. Others no doubt spending the festive season feeling drunk with joy - we sang the classic yuletide carols, however. The horror. On the streets tonight revellers ignore the message of Christmas and down pints instead. I wish I could be there to help them.

Clair

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Letter 3

 

Dear Santa,

You really made my year! When I heard you had fallen from your sleigh, I was sad. To see such wonderful gifts lined up under my Christmas tree, my eyes lit up. When I unwrapped your gifts I knew that the spirit of Christmas was still alive. It was terrible hearing about your accident. The best piece of news all year is your safe return. Things yet to come, you say! Christmas is a time to love and share, I disagree with Scrooges. Everywhere Christmas is slowly fading. Thanks for making it so fantastic.

Matt

Dear Santa,

You really made my year when I heard you had fallen from your sleigh! I was sad to see such wonderful gifts lined up under my Christmas tree. My eyes lit up when I unwrapped your gifts. I knew the spirit of Christmas was still alive - it was terrible. Hearing about your accident? The best piece of news all year. Is your safe return a sign of things yet to come? You say Christmas is a time to love and share, I disagree. With Scrooges everywhere, Christmas is slowly fading. Thanks for making it so. Fantastic.

Matt. 

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Letter - 4 

Dear Auntie Maude,

I was amazed to receive yet again the perfumed soap you've compelled me to appreciate for three straight Christmases! That my family had suffered due to my body odour, I felt such delight. I took the soap to the bathroom. I normally enter only once each July, not that I wish to. Wash? Never! Could a mere gift change that? No! Your stubbornness fuelled my resolve. To drive my body to the soapy unknown, my family have sued me for cruelty, and threatened random hose attacks. I cannot allow that water and skin should meet.

With dignity intact! 

Rob

Dear Auntie Maude,

I was amazed to receive yet again the perfumed soap. You've compelled me to appreciate, for three straight Christmases, that my family had suffered due to my body odour. I felt such delight, I took the soap to the bathroom I normally enter only once each July! Not that I wish to wash. Never could a mere gift change that. No, your stubbornness fuelled my resolve to drive my body to the soapy unknown. My family have sued me for cruelty, and threatened random hose attacks. I will not allow that. Water and skin should meet with dignity intact.

Rob

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Letter 5 

Dear Aunt Agatha,

Sorry it has taken me so long to write telling you how much I liked your Christmas present this year, only I didn't have the time. To take it back and get another would be out of the question! I suppose for you to be so kind shouldn't come as a surprise after what you bought me last year. It was splendid! News about Uncle Brian? Dying to see you again in the New Year. Would be awful to lose touch.

Mark

Dear Aunt Agatha,

Sorry it has taken me so long to write telling you how much I liked your Christmas present this year, only I didn't. Have the time to take it back and get another? Would be out of the question, I suppose, for you to be so kind. Shouldn't come as a surprise after what you bought me last year. It was splendid news about Uncle Brian dying. To see you again in the New Year would be awful.

To lose touch,

Mark

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Letter 6  

 

Dear Aunty Grace,

What a surprise to receive a nice gift from you when I had not sent you my new address. I had thought you would not be able to send a present this year.
Wasting good money at this time of year, it is common for people to send presents that are far too big, like those giant toy clowns.
You always insist on sending me great presents, like this year's. Our incredible walks on Xmas day were particularly fun this year. Without you too much food and drink was consumed in haste.

Rebecca

Dear Aunty Grace,

What a surprise! To receive a nice gift from you! When I had not sent you my new address I had thought you would not be able to send a present this year - wasting good money. At this time of year it is common for people to send presents that are far too big, like those giant toy clowns you always insist on sending me. Great presents like this year's are incredible! Walks on Xmas day were particularly fun this year without you. Too much food and drink was consumed.

In haste,

Rebecca
 

 

Punctuation is everything!

Cheers!