Amusing English # 22 - Definitions

Beauty Parlour: A place where women curl up and dye.

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.

Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.

Toothache: Pain that drives you to extraction.

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

School: A place where papa pays and son plays

Life Insurance – A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich

Nurse – A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills

Marriage – It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree, and the woman gets her masters

Divorce – Future tense of marriage

Tears – The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power

Lecturer – An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through ‘the minds of neither’.

Conference – The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

Compromise – The art of slicing a cake in such a way that everyone believes they received the biggest piece.

Conference Room – A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Boss – Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician – One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence thereafter

Doctor – A person who kills you ilss by pills, and kills you by bills

Classic Novel – A book which people praise, but seldom read

Smile – A curve that can set a lot of things straight

Etc –An abbreviation that makes others think you know more than you actually do.

Committee – Individuals who can do nothing individually, and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!

Cheers!